apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
