It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
