Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
