I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
