Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
