Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
