Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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