So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
