I'm drive I can fine osifer
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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