Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
