she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
