I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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