There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
