3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
