Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
