I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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