Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
