Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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