so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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