I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
