I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
