that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
