Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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