Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
