Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
