Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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