when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
