One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
