I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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