Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
