she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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