ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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