this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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