Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
