I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
