Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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