he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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