Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You were trust falling into bushes
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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