how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
