I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I am spending my child support on dildos
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
