So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
