I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Sext me about skeletons
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
