saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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