great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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