alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
