I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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