Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
