she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
