Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
