So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
