Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
