remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
