he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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