well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
