alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
