Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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