At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
