Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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